A REPOSITORY OF
CLEVER ONE-LINERS

Raymond Aaron NY Top Ten Best Selling Author (left) and Jack Canfield, founder of the Chicken Soup for the Soul Franchise (right)

If you’ve ever attended one of Raymond’s Speaker Workshops, you understand the importance of memorizing and nailing clever one-liners.

 

I have compiled a list of clever one-liners I’ve heard Raymond say over the years as well as a collection of clever one-liners I picked up from other sources. Please commit to memorizing at least one of the clever on-liners and weaving it into your daily conversation. Please commit to memorizing it, nailing it, and using it as your own nailed phrase.

Make it a great day!

Love,

        Dan

One-Liners I Learnt From Raymond

When the tide comes in, all ships rise.

When you're in your own fog it's foggy.

Don’t change what you’re doing; change what your doing does.

 

Rise out of the sea of sameness and up on to the island of individuality so you can float effortlessly down the river of relevant differentiation.

 

Snowmen fall to Earth unassembled.

 

A drop of ink in a sea of milk is a sea of milk.

 

Gratitude is the rent you pay to live on this planet.

 

Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes.

 

Women feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. Women are judgmental, but men are just grateful.

 

God gave man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

 

If a miracle happens within five miles of you, take credit for it.

 

My job is to make you rich, your job is to entertain me, and so far I just haven’t felt the love. (upon trying to get an unresponsive audience to respond)

 

Sir/Ma’am, if this were an auction, you would have just bought yourself a horse (upon someone accidentally raising their hand)

 

I’m sorry to hear that. (Upon hearing someone say they’ve written a book not using the 10-10-10 Program)

 

I help you double your income doing what you love. (in answer to the dreaded question: “What do you do for a living”).

 

No. I have a book. Actually, I happen to have one in my bag. Who should I autograph this to? (Upon answering the question, “Do you have a business card”) 

One-Liners I Picked Up From Other Sources

(Updated February 2019)

If you want to get on the cover of Forbes, don't take advice from Forbes.

 

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back to the crowd.

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.

 

Everyone has a mission in life, even if it's to serve as an example of what not to do.

 

Dig your well before you’re thirsty.

 

Be nice to the people you meet on the way up. They’re the same people you’ll meet on the way down.

 

Those who see the glass as half empty or half full are missing the point: The glass is refillable.

 

People who spend most of their time putting out fires are usually also the ones who start them.

 

You created the game, so only create rules that allow you to win.

 

People do things for their reasons, not yours.

 

If you have enough money to solve the problem, you don’t have the problem.

 

You have to work less to make more.

 

Those who do not find time for exercise will have to find time for illness.

 

Life gives to the giver and takes from the taker.

 

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step in your life.

 

Here's what I know from video games: If I keep running into enemies, it means I'm going in the right direction.

 

The only person you are ever truly in competition with is the person staring at you in the mirror.

 

Habits eat good intentions for breakfast.

 

People who say "money can't buy happiness" haven't given enough of it away.

 

You can always retake a class, but you can never relive a party.

 

The only difference between a one dollar bill and a one hundred dollar bill is the message printed on the paper.

 

People who learn to expect something for nothing usually get nothing in

real life.

 

Job security is a superstition.

 

In a closed society where everyone's guilty, the only crime is getting caught.

 

If you and I judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it's stupid.

 

And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.

 

Only when the last tree has died and the last river has been poisoned and the last fish been caught will you and I realize that you and I cannot eat money. 

 

To love is to recognize yourself in another.

 

Prejudices are rarely overcome by argument; not being founded in reason they cannot be destroyed by logic.

 

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.

 

Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.

 

Some people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they're 75.

 

Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.

 

Wall Street is the only place people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get financial advice from someone who takes the subway.

 

Never trust an atom - they make up everything.

 

A wise person will create more opportunities than he finds.

 

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.

 

Every setback contains the seeds of even greater success.

 

RRSPs (or 401(k)s or Superannuation Plans) are for people who plan to retire broke.

 

Good things come to those who hustle while they wait.

 

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

 

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

 

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

 

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

 

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove you don’t need it.

 

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

 

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

 

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

 

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

 

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

 

George Washington said “We would have a black president when pigs fly!”… well, swine flu.

 

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

 

Materialism: buying things you don’t need with money you don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.

 

Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.

 

Only dead fish go with the flow.

 

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

 

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.

 

Failure is not falling down; it is not getting up again.

 

If you don’t care where you are, then you aren't lost.

 

Treat people the way they want to be treated.

 

In a family of thieves, it’s the child who doesn’t steal who feels guilty.

 

Money never disappears, it only moves locations.

 

Your natural state of existence is financial abundance and chiseled abs.

 

The secret to happiness is personal freedom, and the secret to personal freedom is courage.

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